Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
