What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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