my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
