I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
