you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
