oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
