I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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