I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
