I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
