FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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