Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize