The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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