Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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