when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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