Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
