the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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