btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
