before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
