do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
