I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
