Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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