Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
