Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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