Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
