Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
