at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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