so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
