what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Fuck appropriateness.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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