This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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