I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
