Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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