I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
