I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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