And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
