piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
