Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
