The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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