it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
