Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
