get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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