I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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