I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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