I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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