I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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