you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
