well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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