His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
