just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
