No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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