covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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