Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
