eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Terrible idea I love it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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