Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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