p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
