He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just google imaged poop.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
