I wish they made helmets for livers.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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