remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
