Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize