i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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