she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
