New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
