He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
