i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
