My nipple is on Facebook.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
