Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
