I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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