thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
