First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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