when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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