I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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