I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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