Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
