I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
