so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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