i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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