Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think people are normalizing furries
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
