Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
