sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
