It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize