So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
