fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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