Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
