Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
