That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize