Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
