I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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