the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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