i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want nice things and good sex
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
