I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize