my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
