Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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