actually, I'm a sock model
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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