So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
