He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
