My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize