I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
