i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
