My friends, they love my intelligence
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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