I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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