After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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