Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
