Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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