we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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